Gallagher Three,
I am writing to you out of desperation. Let me first say that I came across your Tumblr through a google search on dream analysis. I had been having trouble sleeping, making sense of these horrible images in my mind and I’d often wake in a cold sweat. Crying babies - steel melon rinds - melted sledgehammers as if in a Salvador Dali painting. I scoured the internet for some sort of meaning to this madness, and imagine my surprise when I discovered there was another person who had been having these dreams. That person is you. At the time, I didn’t know what they meant. Now I know my charge. I stand behind you, ready to give my life in the name of toppling this ironfisted fascist.
In solidarity,
Jesse Lee
Thank you for freeing the watermelons
- Ben Rodgers
Received this today. It is so good to know that I am not alone. If you are out there and support the cause, let me know at gallagherthree@gmail.com
Also, I am now obsessed with the word “melonium”. Will be sure to steal it this Thursday when I smash more fruit.
To Chris Gethard:
I’m prepared to take on this giant with you. Just say the word, and I shall be there. I will be your soldier in the fight against oppression. I will stand with you, brother, until the unruly dictator of produce destruction has faltered. He is a powerful man, but we are many and our cries will be heard. We are the melon Newsies and you are our Jack Kelly. You will usher us into a new age, a new “melonium.” The world will turn once more and comedy will once again focus on that which is the very core of hilarity, the smashing of produce. I also have a shit ton of plastic bags that can be used as front row ponchos.
In solidarity,
Chris McKeever
Kept waking up due to bad dream.
In dream, children were trying to smash fruit. They brought large wooden sledgehammers down against watermelons and cantoulopes.
The fruit wouldn’t smash.
The children looked to me and cried.
Sat up sweating in bed, staring at ceiling.
This nightmare could be our future.
Can one man make a difference?
Yes, but I can’t do it alone.
Email me at gallagherthree@gmail.com if you’re ready to do your part.
Gallagher Three journal number one. Tired. Restless.
Current total money earned: $6.91
Have had some suggestions as what to do with money: Put it in high interest overseas savings account due to current economic crisis, buy into a sure thing commidity such as gold, or use to buy more true to Gallagher I sledge-o-matic.
Not sure what answer is.
All I know is that I must keep going.
Many have come to me privately letting me know that they support what I’m doing. They have expressed fear of repercussions from Gallagher I.
Like Robert the Bruce, I ask them, come forth and stand with me publicly. Together we can overthrow the oppressive grip of Gallagher, like the Scottish did the English.
The last thing we do is give up.
Without this struggle, my life no longer has any meaning.
I would rather be dead than be unable to smash fruit.
